Waxing Toxic

 "When you've suffered a great deal in life, each additional pain is both unbearable and trifling." 

- Yann Martel, Life of Pi. 

Not a lot of people can be said to have suffered a 'great deal' in life. There's always someone who has suffered worse, and it puts things in an entirely new perspective when you realize that. But that's not exactly what I wanted to talk about. 

People have different coping mechanisms, don't they? Some shut themselves in, some shut people out, some immerse themselves in their work, while some go off the handle for a certain amount of time and then resume life as before. Some like to remind themselves of the negative events so that they don't repeat the mistakes; others remember the negative events to draw power from it. 

There's something people tend to overlook when they are coping with an issue. I'm referring specifically to the last type here. There is a difference between clinging on to something bad which happened in the past, and remembering something negative so that you can spur yourself on to: a) never make that mistake again, and b) do better than before. 

Psychologists study the nuances associated with these coping mechanisms, so they have a better idea regarding this than I do. Personally speaking, I have little or no idea how people handle different issues. What I have realized is the fact that people become very toxic even in the process of detoxifying themselves. 

It's not that they cling to that toxicity and their very nature changes. It's something a bit different. Their nature, or mental makeup, so to speak, gets altered so that they become more wary. It isn't easy and can be likened to unlearning something. Depending on the severity of the issue, it can be intensive, or superficial. 

Having said that, there is a lot of negativity which comes out in such scenarios. Not just negativity, though. The entire pantheon of "bad vibes"- bitterness, griping, insecurity, snappiness, self-obsession- is on full display when a person tries to get back on their feet after suffering a blow. It isn't pretty. Not by a long shot. 

Sometimes, what a person badly needs in this case is an understanding influence, which may or may not offer counsel. They just need someone to listen to them without fear of judgement. They need someone to listen as they lose their inhibitions and lash out at people or things. It doesn't always work. Sometimes, it helps the person get back on their feet. It can also make them spiral further into their misery, which will then become a never-ending cycle. No one knows which one can happen.

There is a better option in such cases. It's called a wake-up call. Or a better term, tough love. Practicality and rationality tend to go for a toss when someone is dealing with an issue, and it is necessary at times. What is more necessary is realizing that you have to stop whining about it and get back up. This is a tougher way to help, but a more effective one too. It helps one reassess their goals and their mindset, and that is of utmost importance, as failure to do so may result in the toxicity becoming an integral part of their psyche. 

Either way, there is a lot which is left to learn in the way people deal with problems. It is never a pretty sight, and unless the person is aware of it, they can never heal. It's a tough process, but an absolutely necessary one. Somewhat like eagles when they approach old age. It involves a complete makeover, but it can happen only if you want it to. What you can't let happen, at that point, is let your toxicity or your negativity affect those helping you. It is important to realize this. 

I've talked quite a bit today, and I ought to wrap it up soon. It's easy to go around waxing philosophic and poetic, but difficult to get any actual advice from it and well nigh impossible to follow it. On that note, take care, everyone. Adios!